How to be brave, beyond bullying | Choose the 'Tude

Tweens

How to be brave, beyond bullying

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‘TUDE TALK TV + RESILIENCE + PARENTING

You may have heard me say this before, on other podcasts and interviews, one of the key reasons I started CTT was because my daughter was being bullied badly at the tender age of 5. Bullying can happen at any age and in lots of ways and environments.

One of the big concerns for parents is that continuous bullying can be a damaging and traumatic experience for Little Peeps and have lifelong impacts as it can affect their ability to build resilience, emotional intelligence and social skills.

It can be really tricky to understand what is going on, especially when you aren’t at school and haven’t witnessed the events or the extent of the bullying. Bullying is also very difficult to define and there are various degrees, so sometimes the person being bullied isn’t even sure if it’s normal or whether they should say something.

In this episode of ‘Tude Talk TV, I chat with Christina Foxwell, who has experienced her son dealing with bullying over an extended period of time. 

CHRISTINA SHARES:

  • [2:00] When she first noticed the bullying behaviour and what made her aware of it. And how she now see’s the classroom incident that brought it to light as a gift moment.
  • [3:49] The anxiety her son was experiencing developed into a ‘Pirate Face’, which is an involuntary physical eye twitch. This escalated to feeling physically sick and frequent visits to the sick bay.
  • [5:30] Beware of the judgement from teachers and others and understand their judgement is coming from their lense of the world. Find a school or care environment that really cares for the individual child. [16:00]
  • [8:40] The angst can show up in many ways such as catastrophising, and it can reignite years later if similar triggers arise.
  • [10:14] The support including counselling, which triggered Christina’s deeply hidden trauma.
  • [12:03] How her son became very clever with the psychologists and would toy with them because he felt ashamed of his experience.
  • [12:50] How bullying and anxiety affects the people around the person being bullied, such as siblings. Often the victim gets all the attention and requires other siblings to go above and beyond to pacify the situation.
  • [15:12] How the experience felt to Christina and the advice her son shared with her at the age of twelve; “Mum, I don’t need you to fix me, I need you to hear me.”
  • [20:00] What are the signs to look for if the child doesn’t speak about what is happening.
  • [24:18] What to do if you suspect bullying is happening.

You can listen to the full episode of ‘Tude Talk TV (39mins or play on fast speed).

TIPS:

  • Don’t try to fix your children, they aren’t broken, just find a way to help them to evolve and grow through this. [10:50]
  • I can’t make this better for him, but I can be here for him. He can make this better for him. [17:05] [18:50] You don’t do, you just be. And you can’t be if you don’t heal yourself.
  • [25:30] If you’re not sure how to approach the subject with your child, make an appointment with a counsellor or psychologist for yourself and ask them to guide you.
  • [26:16] Put your oxygen mask on first. Strong is not the same as being brave.

This is the link to Christina’s interview with her son. The poem is very insightful.

Credits

Many Thanks to Christina for sharing her story. Christina is the founder of Ignite Purpose an executive leadership coach working to connect people, passion and performance. You can find out more about Christina on her website. Or follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

THINGS YOU MAY ALSO BE INTERESTED IN

‘Tude Talk TV – more episodes this way

The importance of strong bonds with our Little Peeps

Resilience, how to build your ability to bounce back

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