‘TUDE TALK TV + SELF-CARE + BOUNDARIES
Hey Mum’s! You don’t have to do it all by yourself. You’re allowed to ask for help.
From our extensive research and the discussions I personally have with many Mum’s, I think most Mum’s can relate to the feeling that asking for help and setting boundaries is not a strong point for women. It seems almost every Mum I’ve spoken to says she wishes she had asked for help earlier in her parenting journey, and yet for some reason, we seem to find doing it really challenging.
I for one was fiercely independent and although I didn’t necessarily see asking for help as a weakness, I had difficulty doing it. More from the point of view that I am capable and resourceful and didn’t want to burden anyone else. We all have our reasons for not asking for help, but sometimes it’s better for everyone if we do, and to know that people are there for you.
In this episode of ‘Tude Talk TV I chat with Allana Frisken. Allana is a Mum of a 3yo boy and 4yo girl and has two businesses. She has reformed from doing it all to allowing help and has learnt to set boundaries that support her and her family at the same time.
- Why she feels women have such trouble asking for help. [1:58]
- Like so many of us, Allana grew up with a strong independent mother who did everything and learnt that was the expectation for her as she became a Mum [2:28].
- Learning how to ask for help is a process, it doesn’t happen over night [3:39] and how important it is to set boundaries, especially when your life has changed dramatically and your husband’s has hardly changed at all in her case. She shares the conversations had with her husband to set appropriate boundaries.
- Our upbringing and our partners upbringing play a huge part in how we are as parents (and partners) [5:10]
- Juggling business and motherhood by setting boundaries [7:22]
- Choose the little thing that bugs you the most but will have a big impact on your life or mental health. [9:49] It doesn’t have to be drastic [16:37]
- Let’s not pass on the legacy of martyrdom [13:20]
- Allana was spending too much time doing chores and things she could delegate to someone else, which would allow her to spend an extra 2 hours per day on her businesses. It made sense to hire a housekeeper and delegate those jobs, despite the initial guilty she had before making the decision. [17:55]
- You can set boundaries that equalise burden’s without having to pay someone. Allana shares several examples anyone could take on board [21:15]
You can listen to the full episode of ‘Tude Talk TV (33mins or play on fast speed).
- When setting boundaries, start with something really small because their ‘normal’ is being challenged.
- Start with the things that really bother you the most – the smallest things that will have the biggest impact on your life or your mental health.
- If you and your partner both work, you need to have a conversation around equalising the load to make it fairer for both. Take turns at cooking, cleaning, taking care of unwell children. [17:33]
- If someone offers help, bloody well take it! [31:50] Just say yes!
- If you think someone needs help, don’t just ask them generally if they need help, be specific [32:18] “Eg I’ve made double Lasgne, can I drop some to your door?”
We’re putting the challenge out there to say “Yes” if someone offers to help. Share in the comments what you’ve managed to say yes to.
Many Thanks to Allana for sharing her insights.
Allana Frisken is an Entrepreneur with a group of Reformer Pilates Studios and an e-commerce brand (@weare_wylde).
You can follow Allana:
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