The importance of strong bonds with our Little Learners

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One of the basic human psychological needs is Relatedness. In simple terms, this means a feeling of belonging and connection. As little learners develop and grow, they go through many stages. Up to the age of 7 our little ones are predominantly dependent on us to guide them, make decisions and we are pretty much their sphere of influence.

Around the age of 8, they move from dependence to independence, which is a huge and awkward leap. You may notice your little ones developing a sassiness, or asserting their wisdom. You’ll notice friends beginning to have more importance and influence and may even experience a little push back towards you.

Although their brains aren’t quite developed enough to handle total independence, they are flexing their newfound confidence. This is a time when parents need to understand the developmental changes and nurture strong connections.

In this episode of ‘Tude Talk TV I talk with Julie Vigor, Mum of 2 boys, 16 & 19, and a 12-year-old daughter. After raising two boys, she quickly realised parenting a tween girl was going to be very different to how she parented her sons. I’m really looking forward to learning what’s in store for me as my little learners approach tweenagehood.

Julie shares:

  • During the tween and teen years there are big changes that require a trusting relationship which is important for connection so its better to establish that early rather than wait for issues to arise. [1:46]
  • The differences between boys and girls are the big emotions in girls. Try not to get dragged into the big emotions during tween/teen years to avoid escalating the situation. [2:43] [4:50]
  • Mothering today is different today to what it was when we were raised, so we can’t rely solely on how we were parented to navigate todays world [4:04].
  • How she handles high standards and perfectionism with her daughter [5:15]
  • You can prepare for these changes by spending one on one time, even if it’s only 10 minutes a day. This builds the trust and allow the daughters to open up and just listen. [8:10]
  • Protect your own mental health when your children are going through the changes and don’t take things personally [10:45]
  • The biggest mistakes are trying to be your childs best friend but you need to be the parent. Also letting children learn how to deal with [12:38]

You can listen to the full episode of ‘Tude Talk TV (20mins or play on fast speed).


  • We all make mistakes.
  • Be aware of your own triggers and manage your emotions and be a good listener.
  • Be there to listen, not necessarily fix.
  • We are always the parent as opposed to being their friend – they need our leadership.
  • Keep learning and growing and learning how to work with each child as they are different.


Many Thanks to Julie for sharing her insights. You can follow Julie on Facebook and Instagram and visit her website.

Photo by Vivek Kumar on Unsplash


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